Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Worthy. Loved. Wanted. Desired. Adored. Enough.

The words of this post have been floating around in my mind for the past few weeks. Worthy. Loved. Wanted. Desired. Adored. Those are hard words to accept. For me, at least.

Confession: I rarely feel worthy of God's love. I rarely understand that He, the One who created it all, wants me. He desires me. He adores ME. He wants the absolute best for my life and He doesn't ask much in return. At Mass a few weeks ago, I prayed that God would show me that I am worthy of His love.

But my little human mind has a hard time accepting that. Why? Maybe it's the anxiety of not being in absolute control. Maybe it's the idea that's been whispered by the Enemy that I am not good enough. Some days, it feels almost easier to believe THAT load of bologna than to think that the One who gave His life for mine and my sins chooses to love me in spite of my continual sin. Maybe it's easier to buy into a world of "no God" than it is to say "Thanks, but no thanks, I'll take Jesus." Maybe it's easier to think that there is no way at all that God could continue to chase me while I'm running a thousand miles away from him.

That's me in a nutshell right there.

Then, the unthinkable happens. For those who know me, I despise, with every fiber of my being, driving in thunderstorms. They terrify me. The winds, the rain. No thanks. I love watching storms from the safety of my couch. But driving in them? NOPE. So, today, where do I find myself? DRIVING IN A THUNDERSTORM OBVIOUSLY.


So, I did what made sense. I prayed. While driving about -5 down the road and gripping the steering wheel with every ounce of strength that I possess, I begin praying to Our Lady for safe travels through the storm. Our Father after Hail Mary after Glory Be after the Fatima Prayer all. the. way. home. And the funniest thing happened (I kid you not) - every time I passed beneath a ginormous tree or power line or what-have-you, the winds would die down, the tree would stop thrashing in the wind, and the rain would slow.

I began to cry. My little feeble prayers were being heard and answered like right then. THAT NEVER HAPPENS. I was in complete awe. God was hearing me! My heart rejoiced like it never has before. Here was the proof that I had asked for weeks ago! Here was a previously whispered prayer joining with my litany of prayers being answered right before my very eyes. I was reminded of Jesus calming the storm in the Gospels. A sense of peace like I've never experienced before flooded over me. I am loved. I am wanted. I am desired. I am adored. I am worthy.

I am His beautiful, loved, worthy, desired, adored, and, yes, messy masterpiece. But more than anything else, I am enough.

It's that simple.